The other day it was a year since my visa was approved.
Little did I know how much the coming year would mess with me. I thought that I’d be fine as I’d previously moved and lived in the USA for my year abroad at uni. However, I found it more overwhelming than I ever expected. So much has happened in the last year and I didn’t cope very well with the stress and upheaval. It didn’t help that almost every aspect of the move over took longer than expected and had complications.
July 1st 2016 was a wonderful day, it meant that James and I could finally start planning the wedding and I could start packing and planning the big move. Comparing how I felt then to how I felt on July 1st 2017 however was night and day. I feel like a shell of who I used to be. I’ve been hiding from the world and not chatting to friends in the UK. I have always put pressure on myself to succeed and progress and improve and now I feel like I’m going backwards. The thing is that I’m the one putting the pressure on myself and, as James said the other day, it’s destroying me.
I’ve slowly been figuring out what makes me happy and how to do these things more. I also want to do something fun and challenging and create something that gives me something to work on that makes me feel good.
So this is what I’m doing.
It’s like going from 0 to 100. From hiding to writing on the Internet but all I want is to have some sort of project that takes me out of my comfort zone and makes me feel like I’m part of the world again.